...processing...

   It doesn't take much for me to get overwhelmed.  I wish I was wired differently. I wish I could balance a multitude of stressful situations. I wish I could thrive with the pedal to the floorboard, just waiting for the next thing that'll be thrown my way, ready to take it all down.....but that's not me. AT ALL. I prefer to take life a little slower. I need to process things. Everything. I do it too much at times, I'm sure. Especially when the decisions I'm making directly effect other people.  And as consistent as my need for coffee in the morning, I always hit a point where thoughts of everything going on hit me at once, and I somewhat check-out mentally and emotionally for the day.  Today was that day.

   The areas of life demanding my attention show no signs of slowing down--from the ever-increasing help my parents need with the business, to preparing to start school again in the fall, to figuring out finances, to relationships and everything tied up in them. I'm at a transition point in life. A lot of things have changed and will continue to do so for awhile, All of it's left me feeling uncertain about the decisions I've made/am making, and almost as though I've lost some of the control.

   But that's ok. Even just now, as the dust has begun to settle a bit, I'm reminded that God places these circumstances in our lives, not to see how far he can push until we break, but to remind us that when we stop relying on our own ability to make decisions, our own knowledge, and our own feelings, He meets us wherever we're at reveals to us the areas of our lives in which He is working.

   One phase is coming to a close, another will soon be beginning, but right now I've gotta work through the middle. God does some of his best work in the middle. We can see how He was working in the past, and trust Him with where we're going in the future. But the part I miss a lot is how He is using right now. How am I seeking Him in my day-to-day walk? Right now, if I was completely honesty, I'm not doing so great with that. It's a continual struggle to relinquish the control I try so hard to maintain when things get overwhelming. But it's a struggle I'm going to fight because I know a life filled by the Holy Spirit is a life with meaning and purpose, a life to look forward to and be excited about.
   The last couple days I've been wanting to find a passage of scripture to meditate on and really allow for my heart and mind to soak it up. I didn't have the slightest clue what it should be, what could cover every stress, every worry, every emotion I was feeling?? And then I was reminded again, in that still small voice, that those are not the things I should set my gaze and my focus upon.  I came across Psalm 139 where at the end David is praying and he says, "Search me oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  That is my prayer right now. I need to start by first giving Him all of me, and then we shall see where He leads.

....♥ C