one of the most beautiful, truest things I have ever read.
♥
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Friday, January 31, 2014
participation trophy
I loved this blog post by Matt Walsh.
"....[it] will take a lot of changing and a lot of learning about what parts of us are unsuitable and insufficient and unacceptable. Sadly, some of us are unwilling to endure that process, so we never grow, and in failing to grow we fail to live. It’s a tragedy....if you want better relationships, you have to earn them, too."
Truth. Great things rarely come easy, relationships being at the top of the list. But that's the essence of their greatness. We're invested. We're growing and changing. We're encouraging. We're challenging ourselves to be better and to see others better.
enjoy the read.... ♥ C
>>>>>>>
"If I Can't Accept You At Your Worst, then Maybe You Should Stop Being So Horrible"
I remember the first time I was awarded the “game ball” in my Little League. I don’t recall the details exactly, but I’m pretty sure my stat sheet looked something like this:
Zero RBIs, zero home runs, zero hits, zero stolen bases, zero plays made on the field, seven errors, four innings spent sitting on the bench.
Most of my team probably performed similarly, but I know we put a few runs on the board, so SOMEONE must have done something notable.
Alas, that kid — whoever he was — got jobbed this tragic afternoon. They gave the game ball to me. You can only imagine how I felt.
That is, confused.
We capped off the season with a trophy ceremony in the local middle school auditorium. One by one, they called every team up to receive their participation awards. You played a game for a few weeks and achieved no amount of success at all! Congratulations on your mediocrity, kid! It was a plastic gold-colored figurine of a guy hitting a baseball. Ironic, really, considering I hadn’t actually made contact with a ball all season.
I still have my pity-trophy, it’s right up there on my pity-mantle, next to my pity-game ball and the mandatory Valentine’s cards I only received because elementary school rules required every child to give one to every other child.
When visitors come by, I show it to them and proudly say, “Look at all of the mandatory recognition showered upon me as a matter of routine policy!”
Then my guests will often cringe and weep, and the evening ends early and uncomfortably.
See, I think all of this nonsense – this “everybody is special, everybody gets to have a trophy, everybody gets a card, everybody gets recognition” idiocy – can produce only two possible results, neither desirable. One, it can make perceptive, self-aware children even more embarrassed and insecure. They know that they are undeserving of these accolades, and they’d rather not be patronized.
If a severely impoverished child wore a burlap sack to school, he would be utterly humiliated if his teacher, with all good intentions, decided to award him the honor of “best dressed.” That’s how many kids feel when their mediocrity is put on a pedestal and treated like it’s something exceptional. They aren’t fooled, as much as they’d like to be.
Then there’s category 2. These kids, perhaps not equipped with the same critical thinking capacities as the first type, will eventually buy into the hype. They will look at those trophies and gold stars, unearned and undeserved, and begin to develop an inflated image of themselves. What is born from this is not confidence, but narcissism and arrogance. These are the kids in possession of the much-heralded “self-esteem.” Indeed, they hold themselves in high esteem. Why? Because they are themselves. They are spectacular, beautiful, athletic, and brilliant, all by their very nature. Whatever they do is the best thing anyone has ever done, simply because it was done by them. Whoever comes in contact with them ought to be grateful for the privilege. Success and happiness is what they are due, and the entire universe is in their debt. They are the people who expect the Lord to descend from heaven and hand them a game ball and a participation trophy every day.
I’m sure you’ve met this type. Maybe you’ve voted for this type. Maybe you work with, or under, this type. Maybe, God help you, they are in your family. Maybe you’ve been in a relationship with them.
In fact, it seems statistically likely that you have been in a relationship with them. The divorce rate speaks for itself. Beyond that, although there aren’t any statistics (as far as I’m aware) for non-married break ups, it appears obvious that we are experiencing a crisis of failed relationships at every level and in every form. People don’t know how to be in relationships anymore, and I think this epidemic can be traced, at least in part, to the delusions of grandeur we instill in our little snowflakes from an early age.
Shielded from failure, insulated from criticism, covered in emotional bubble wrap, our kids are venturing out into the world with little discipline and even less humility. You can see this manifest in many arenas, but I think it’s most pronounced in the way we approach relationships.
Here’s one example. It’s minor, probably insignificant, but it represents something quite serious. I was perusing my Facebook Newsfeed today and I came across a status that said this:
“Yea I’m a b*tch but deal with it. I wont be with anyone who cant accept all of who I am!!!”
This was a grown woman. Apparently college educated. Older than me.
It reminded me of a meme we’ve all seen a thousand times. It has a few variations, but it usually goes something like this:
If you can’t accept me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.
This is such a popular sentiment that it has its own Facebook fan page with over 150 thousand “likes.”
It shows up all the time on memes and illustrations like this one:
Of course, the original quote is from Marilyn Monroe. It’s even more vapid and nauseating when taken in its full context:
"I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
Out of all the profundities ever uttered, what does it say about our society that THIS is the quote we’ve decided to take to heart?
It says that we need to read more books.
Also, it says that we are horrible at relationships.
Yes, it’s true that, in a marriage, we must love our spouses in spite of their flaws. It’s also true that we all have flaws. But it’s ALSO true that only an infantile, spoiled, egotistical brat would ever treat a loved one with “her worst” and expect them to deal with it because her “best” will somehow compensate for it.
Newsflash: It’s not OK to be selfish, impatient, and out of control. These traits, while common, are UNacceptable. They should not be accepted, least of all by the people you claim to love. The onus is on YOU to change your behavior and your attitude, not on them to “handle it.” Are you such a gem that they should thank God for the opportunity to be emotionally abused by you, if only it earns them a chance to bask in the glow of your superiority?
Perhaps that’s how you see it, but I’ve never met anyone quite that charming.
This philosophy is poison, and it stretches beyond one offensive quote from a 20th century Playboy Bunny. Often I read or hear people whine that they ‘just want to find someone who will accept them, no matter what.’ But being “accepted” should not be our relationship goal. Healthy relationships are loving, but also challenging, edifying, and even occasionally painful.
Accept. Definition: to receive with approval or favor, to agree or consent to.
Should our selfishness, impatience, and weakness preclude us from being loved? No. But should these traits be “accepted”? Should they be “received with approval or favor”? Should our loved ones “consent” to them?
No.
Big no.
Enormous, loud, screaming no.
Should we scoff at our husbands or wives or boyfriends or girlfriends and flippantly tell them to “handle it,” as we behave in ways that will hurt and offend them?
No. And if you think that — if you REALLY think that — then you shouldn’t be getting into relationships at all. You aren’t ready.
Further, does our “best” (which probably isn’t as great as we imagine it to be) make up for, or negate, our “worst”?
No. Your worst is your worst. Fix it. Be better. Nobody should have to put up with it. Least of all the people you love.
Love is a transformative force, and if you want to experience it you better be ready to change in every way imaginable. My wife does not “accept me”, and thank God for that. She challenges me. She makes me better. In other words, she loves me.
What kind of a pathetic and dreary goal is that, anyway — just wanting to be “accepted”, tolerated, put up with? That’s not why we’re put on this planet. Life is not about gaining “acceptance.” Life is change. It is not static and stagnant, do you really want your relationships to be?
We don’t emerge into the world as eternally entitled princes and princesses. We come into it as naked, crying, helpless babies. Our job is to grow out of that condition. And that will take a lot of changing and a lot of learning about what parts of us are unsuitable and insufficient and unacceptable. Sadly, some of us are unwilling to endure that process, so we never grow, and in failing to grow we fail to live. It’s a tragedy.
Don’t ask anyone to “accept” the bad parts of you. Instead, strive to improve those parts. Put in the effort. Make yourself worthy of the love they’ve offered you.
Forget what you learned in elementary school. The only ”participation trophy” you’re awarded from life is death. That’s the one thing we all get just for showing up. In the meantime, if you want something better, you have to earn it.
That means if you want better relationships, you have to earn them, too.
"....[it] will take a lot of changing and a lot of learning about what parts of us are unsuitable and insufficient and unacceptable. Sadly, some of us are unwilling to endure that process, so we never grow, and in failing to grow we fail to live. It’s a tragedy....if you want better relationships, you have to earn them, too."
Truth. Great things rarely come easy, relationships being at the top of the list. But that's the essence of their greatness. We're invested. We're growing and changing. We're encouraging. We're challenging ourselves to be better and to see others better.
enjoy the read.... ♥ C
>>>>>>>
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If I Can't Accept You At Your Worst, then Maybe You Should Stop Being So Horrible"
I remember the first time I was awarded the “game ball” in my Little League. I don’t recall the details exactly, but I’m pretty sure my stat sheet looked something like this:
Zero RBIs, zero home runs, zero hits, zero stolen bases, zero plays made on the field, seven errors, four innings spent sitting on the bench.
Most of my team probably performed similarly, but I know we put a few runs on the board, so SOMEONE must have done something notable.
Alas, that kid — whoever he was — got jobbed this tragic afternoon. They gave the game ball to me. You can only imagine how I felt.
That is, confused.
We capped off the season with a trophy ceremony in the local middle school auditorium. One by one, they called every team up to receive their participation awards. You played a game for a few weeks and achieved no amount of success at all! Congratulations on your mediocrity, kid! It was a plastic gold-colored figurine of a guy hitting a baseball. Ironic, really, considering I hadn’t actually made contact with a ball all season.
I still have my pity-trophy, it’s right up there on my pity-mantle, next to my pity-game ball and the mandatory Valentine’s cards I only received because elementary school rules required every child to give one to every other child.
When visitors come by, I show it to them and proudly say, “Look at all of the mandatory recognition showered upon me as a matter of routine policy!”
Then my guests will often cringe and weep, and the evening ends early and uncomfortably.
See, I think all of this nonsense – this “everybody is special, everybody gets to have a trophy, everybody gets a card, everybody gets recognition” idiocy – can produce only two possible results, neither desirable. One, it can make perceptive, self-aware children even more embarrassed and insecure. They know that they are undeserving of these accolades, and they’d rather not be patronized.
If a severely impoverished child wore a burlap sack to school, he would be utterly humiliated if his teacher, with all good intentions, decided to award him the honor of “best dressed.” That’s how many kids feel when their mediocrity is put on a pedestal and treated like it’s something exceptional. They aren’t fooled, as much as they’d like to be.
Then there’s category 2. These kids, perhaps not equipped with the same critical thinking capacities as the first type, will eventually buy into the hype. They will look at those trophies and gold stars, unearned and undeserved, and begin to develop an inflated image of themselves. What is born from this is not confidence, but narcissism and arrogance. These are the kids in possession of the much-heralded “self-esteem.” Indeed, they hold themselves in high esteem. Why? Because they are themselves. They are spectacular, beautiful, athletic, and brilliant, all by their very nature. Whatever they do is the best thing anyone has ever done, simply because it was done by them. Whoever comes in contact with them ought to be grateful for the privilege. Success and happiness is what they are due, and the entire universe is in their debt. They are the people who expect the Lord to descend from heaven and hand them a game ball and a participation trophy every day.
I’m sure you’ve met this type. Maybe you’ve voted for this type. Maybe you work with, or under, this type. Maybe, God help you, they are in your family. Maybe you’ve been in a relationship with them.
In fact, it seems statistically likely that you have been in a relationship with them. The divorce rate speaks for itself. Beyond that, although there aren’t any statistics (as far as I’m aware) for non-married break ups, it appears obvious that we are experiencing a crisis of failed relationships at every level and in every form. People don’t know how to be in relationships anymore, and I think this epidemic can be traced, at least in part, to the delusions of grandeur we instill in our little snowflakes from an early age.
Shielded from failure, insulated from criticism, covered in emotional bubble wrap, our kids are venturing out into the world with little discipline and even less humility. You can see this manifest in many arenas, but I think it’s most pronounced in the way we approach relationships.
Here’s one example. It’s minor, probably insignificant, but it represents something quite serious. I was perusing my Facebook Newsfeed today and I came across a status that said this:
“Yea I’m a b*tch but deal with it. I wont be with anyone who cant accept all of who I am!!!”
This was a grown woman. Apparently college educated. Older than me.
It reminded me of a meme we’ve all seen a thousand times. It has a few variations, but it usually goes something like this:
If you can’t accept me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.
This is such a popular sentiment that it has its own Facebook fan page with over 150 thousand “likes.”
It shows up all the time on memes and illustrations like this one:
Of course, the original quote is from Marilyn Monroe. It’s even more vapid and nauseating when taken in its full context:
"I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
Out of all the profundities ever uttered, what does it say about our society that THIS is the quote we’ve decided to take to heart?
It says that we need to read more books.
Also, it says that we are horrible at relationships.
Yes, it’s true that, in a marriage, we must love our spouses in spite of their flaws. It’s also true that we all have flaws. But it’s ALSO true that only an infantile, spoiled, egotistical brat would ever treat a loved one with “her worst” and expect them to deal with it because her “best” will somehow compensate for it.
Newsflash: It’s not OK to be selfish, impatient, and out of control. These traits, while common, are UNacceptable. They should not be accepted, least of all by the people you claim to love. The onus is on YOU to change your behavior and your attitude, not on them to “handle it.” Are you such a gem that they should thank God for the opportunity to be emotionally abused by you, if only it earns them a chance to bask in the glow of your superiority?
Perhaps that’s how you see it, but I’ve never met anyone quite that charming.
This philosophy is poison, and it stretches beyond one offensive quote from a 20th century Playboy Bunny. Often I read or hear people whine that they ‘just want to find someone who will accept them, no matter what.’ But being “accepted” should not be our relationship goal. Healthy relationships are loving, but also challenging, edifying, and even occasionally painful.
Accept. Definition: to receive with approval or favor, to agree or consent to.
Should our selfishness, impatience, and weakness preclude us from being loved? No. But should these traits be “accepted”? Should they be “received with approval or favor”? Should our loved ones “consent” to them?
No.
Big no.
Enormous, loud, screaming no.
Should we scoff at our husbands or wives or boyfriends or girlfriends and flippantly tell them to “handle it,” as we behave in ways that will hurt and offend them?
No. And if you think that — if you REALLY think that — then you shouldn’t be getting into relationships at all. You aren’t ready.
Further, does our “best” (which probably isn’t as great as we imagine it to be) make up for, or negate, our “worst”?
No. Your worst is your worst. Fix it. Be better. Nobody should have to put up with it. Least of all the people you love.
Love is a transformative force, and if you want to experience it you better be ready to change in every way imaginable. My wife does not “accept me”, and thank God for that. She challenges me. She makes me better. In other words, she loves me.
What kind of a pathetic and dreary goal is that, anyway — just wanting to be “accepted”, tolerated, put up with? That’s not why we’re put on this planet. Life is not about gaining “acceptance.” Life is change. It is not static and stagnant, do you really want your relationships to be?
We don’t emerge into the world as eternally entitled princes and princesses. We come into it as naked, crying, helpless babies. Our job is to grow out of that condition. And that will take a lot of changing and a lot of learning about what parts of us are unsuitable and insufficient and unacceptable. Sadly, some of us are unwilling to endure that process, so we never grow, and in failing to grow we fail to live. It’s a tragedy.
Don’t ask anyone to “accept” the bad parts of you. Instead, strive to improve those parts. Put in the effort. Make yourself worthy of the love they’ve offered you.
Forget what you learned in elementary school. The only ”participation trophy” you’re awarded from life is death. That’s the one thing we all get just for showing up. In the meantime, if you want something better, you have to earn it.
That means if you want better relationships, you have to earn them, too.
Monday, July 22, 2013
the golden nugget.
This is an awkward phase of life. Anyone between the ages of 18 and 25 can most likely attest to the fact that the most consistent thing in our lives at this point is how often we are asked the questions: "How's life, what are you doing right now? What are your plans for the near/far future? What's your main goal?"
These aren't bad questions, and it's not a problem at all to be asked them--people care and just want to know. I know I ask people these questions all the time too because it's a life phase that I'm currently sharing with them.
But it can be oh so overwhelming sometimes. My un-spontaneous, rarely(if ever)-fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants personality..longs for consistency and and some long-term plans. I would love to know if I will get into grad school for next year. And if so, will it be here in Sacramento, or will i be moving yet again? Can I fully settle-in, or should I avoid putting down deep roots knowing they'll have to be pulled up in a year? I would so love to see what the next 5 years hold career/family/faith-wise. The list goes on....
And I know I'm not alone in this. I talk to people all the time who are headed one direction, and then realize that it's not really for them, so then it's back to the drawing board. At home we have some younger employees who are currently dealing with the same thing--should I leave home for school and try something new? Or is it best to utilize my time here and go to school and work a while longer?
It's tough. And it seems like such a huge decision that we have to make right the first time--one shot to decide "What do I want to do with my life?"
At church these last 2 weeks we've been blessed to have pastor Andrew McCourt from Northern Ireland staying and speaking with us. At the college group on Thursday he said one of the most encouraging and reassuring things a group of college/20-somethings could hear:
"You may not know what you're going to do in life, and that's ok--
but you can know who you are going to be."
Sitting there, I could almost feel the pressure lift off the shoulders of everyone in there. A sigh of relief as we quickly jotted down this little golden nugget he had given us; something to hold onto as we continue to journey through this awkward transition, not-sure-what-I'm-doing phase in our lives.
And the more I've thought about it, and the more I've experienced and looked back on my own decisions and journey, I've realized--life isn't a bunch of individual moments and decisions that lead us the right or the wrong way, making up sections of our lives....it's a continual spectrum of intertwining threads that all make up one beautiful life that's in constant motion.
We may have to cut some threads shorter than we had planned, some will be longer than maybe we hoped, some may pull us in a direction we didn't think we would ever go in, and others may show up that we never thought would exist, but end up being the most pleasant surprise. And all of these together make up us, each created by our most wonderful Savior with a divine purpose. And in that, even though we may not be sure of what we will be doing in life, we always have the ability and I believe, a responsibility, to know and choose who we are going to be, and how we will glorify God through it all.
♥ C
These aren't bad questions, and it's not a problem at all to be asked them--people care and just want to know. I know I ask people these questions all the time too because it's a life phase that I'm currently sharing with them.
But it can be oh so overwhelming sometimes. My un-spontaneous, rarely(if ever)-fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants personality..longs for consistency and and some long-term plans. I would love to know if I will get into grad school for next year. And if so, will it be here in Sacramento, or will i be moving yet again? Can I fully settle-in, or should I avoid putting down deep roots knowing they'll have to be pulled up in a year? I would so love to see what the next 5 years hold career/family/faith-wise. The list goes on....
And I know I'm not alone in this. I talk to people all the time who are headed one direction, and then realize that it's not really for them, so then it's back to the drawing board. At home we have some younger employees who are currently dealing with the same thing--should I leave home for school and try something new? Or is it best to utilize my time here and go to school and work a while longer?
It's tough. And it seems like such a huge decision that we have to make right the first time--one shot to decide "What do I want to do with my life?"
At church these last 2 weeks we've been blessed to have pastor Andrew McCourt from Northern Ireland staying and speaking with us. At the college group on Thursday he said one of the most encouraging and reassuring things a group of college/20-somethings could hear:
"You may not know what you're going to do in life, and that's ok--
but you can know who you are going to be."
Sitting there, I could almost feel the pressure lift off the shoulders of everyone in there. A sigh of relief as we quickly jotted down this little golden nugget he had given us; something to hold onto as we continue to journey through this awkward transition, not-sure-what-I'm-doing phase in our lives.
And the more I've thought about it, and the more I've experienced and looked back on my own decisions and journey, I've realized--life isn't a bunch of individual moments and decisions that lead us the right or the wrong way, making up sections of our lives....it's a continual spectrum of intertwining threads that all make up one beautiful life that's in constant motion.
We may have to cut some threads shorter than we had planned, some will be longer than maybe we hoped, some may pull us in a direction we didn't think we would ever go in, and others may show up that we never thought would exist, but end up being the most pleasant surprise. And all of these together make up us, each created by our most wonderful Savior with a divine purpose. And in that, even though we may not be sure of what we will be doing in life, we always have the ability and I believe, a responsibility, to know and choose who we are going to be, and how we will glorify God through it all.
♥ C
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
stained glass mosaic.
We live in a world continually telling us to keep it together. Don't just let go and let yourself fall apart--if you have to cry, do it alone...keep your sins, fears, struggles, and frustrations to yourself...don't share your pain with others...save face...smile and keep on going. We maintain a smooth surface, even though it's wearing thin with rough waters raging beneath, just waiting for a that last shred of pressure to break through and it all come gushing out.
But what's so wrong with falling apart?? Why do we run from vulnerability and letting ourselves really feel. We tell ourselves that it's just easier to push it aside and keep moving forward--that exposing the dark crevasses in our minds will only create more problems and burden others.
What lies the devil has caused us to believe...and how readily we do so.
One of my current favorite songs is "We Fall Apart" by We As Human. Every time it comes up on my playlist, I'm reminded of the beauty in the messiness of life. Like a stained glass mosaic--the broken pieces together make something far more unique and beautiful than if the glass was never broken at all.
A girl in my small group recently had a breaking moment and shared her longing for a fresh start; these last couple weeks as I've thought about her and have listened to that song, I've been reminded of some of the tangible reminders God has given us...the strength and beauty that can come from allowing ourselves to breakdown and ultimately breakthrough. Is a remodeled house that's gutted down to the studs not built back up to be a more beautiful, stronger and sturdier home? Does a broken bone not heal to be stronger and healthier than before it was broke? Does a rose bush not need to be trimmed back after each spring to continue flourishing? These processes can be (and usually are) messy, painful, arduous, lengthy, and will require help and care above that which we alone can provide. Amen?
But we are exorbitantly resilient. And the end result is magnificent.
It gives life substance and meaning. It brings us closer to others and our Savior. And we find that these pieces of our soul are our most powerful connection to one another.
It's magical and tragic, all the ways we fall apart...
♥ C
But what's so wrong with falling apart?? Why do we run from vulnerability and letting ourselves really feel. We tell ourselves that it's just easier to push it aside and keep moving forward--that exposing the dark crevasses in our minds will only create more problems and burden others.
What lies the devil has caused us to believe...and how readily we do so.
One of my current favorite songs is "We Fall Apart" by We As Human. Every time it comes up on my playlist, I'm reminded of the beauty in the messiness of life. Like a stained glass mosaic--the broken pieces together make something far more unique and beautiful than if the glass was never broken at all.
A girl in my small group recently had a breaking moment and shared her longing for a fresh start; these last couple weeks as I've thought about her and have listened to that song, I've been reminded of some of the tangible reminders God has given us...the strength and beauty that can come from allowing ourselves to breakdown and ultimately breakthrough. Is a remodeled house that's gutted down to the studs not built back up to be a more beautiful, stronger and sturdier home? Does a broken bone not heal to be stronger and healthier than before it was broke? Does a rose bush not need to be trimmed back after each spring to continue flourishing? These processes can be (and usually are) messy, painful, arduous, lengthy, and will require help and care above that which we alone can provide. Amen?
But we are exorbitantly resilient. And the end result is magnificent.
It gives life substance and meaning. It brings us closer to others and our Savior. And we find that these pieces of our soul are our most powerful connection to one another.
It's magical and tragic, all the ways we fall apart...
♥ C
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
"22 Things Happy People Do Differently"
Great article :) Looking at myself, the people I know, and the people/situations I've experienced in life--there's a whole lot of truth to this. Especially when you add a relationship with Christ. We're going to go through some dark times and deep valleys in life, but our joy is a choice, and can never be taken away. Our value of life is so deeply rooted in perspective.
"22 Things Happy People do Differently"
♥ C
"22 Things Happy People do Differently"
♥ C
Monday, May 6, 2013
100 Wisest Words.
Bite-sized wisdoms. Definitely worth the read :)
I love all of these. Except maybe #94...sometimes those babies just need to come off. Haha.
So many good things to remember!--so many significant things we often forget the value of.
♥ C
I love all of these. Except maybe #94...sometimes those babies just need to come off. Haha.
So many good things to remember!--so many significant things we often forget the value of.
♥ C
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
my hands are empty, but my heart is full.
You know those songs, that when you hear them for the first time, they just hit you right where you're at??
Your fears.
Your prayers.
Your struggles.
Your hopes.
The other morning I was driving to class, bright and early, and a song--"Help Me Find It" by Sidewalk Prophets--came on the radio.
And life was still for a moment--I can't remember the last time life was that still. It didn't last long, but as I listened to the lyrics, I became overwhelmed by its message. I couldn't help but think, this song was written for me. To me.
It summed up exactly where my heart has been the last few months. Good, but consumed. Consumed with school and work. Consumed by the desire to be home with my family because that's where I feel at peace. Consumed by thoughts of uncertainty as to what my living situation transition will look like in the next couple months. Consumed with some serious and scary life happenings--the kind that make you want to never again forget to tell someone how much you love and appreciate them.
And when all of this is going on, I forget to be consumed by the most important thing of all--my Lord and Savior. Consumed with His peace, His grace, His love, His mercy.
I go through days sometimes, where I let the busy circumstances get the best of me, and when I stop to catch my breath...I feel lonely. And kind of like, welp, not too sure what step to take next. Do you know the feeling??
And for a brief moment within my own life, I'm paralyzed.
It's been is perplexing for me, because it's seemingly different than anything I've worked through before. When people ask how I'm doing, I say "I'm busy but doing well!" Which I am. But part of me feels conflicted because that's not entirely true. But how do I try and express something that I myself and not even sure of?? And something that feels like I'm just complaining and ungrateful? When it seems I should be completely happy and excited about life right now and where it's going.
I just don't know. But what I need to continually remind myself of, is that I am the furthest thing from alone. I have to stop fighting against this emotion. God (and a whole lot of people I love so much) are there with me in the journey.
My hands are empty, but my heart is full.
♥ C
Your fears.
Your prayers.
Your struggles.
Your hopes.
The other morning I was driving to class, bright and early, and a song--"Help Me Find It" by Sidewalk Prophets--came on the radio.
And life was still for a moment--I can't remember the last time life was that still. It didn't last long, but as I listened to the lyrics, I became overwhelmed by its message. I couldn't help but think, this song was written for me. To me.
It summed up exactly where my heart has been the last few months. Good, but consumed. Consumed with school and work. Consumed by the desire to be home with my family because that's where I feel at peace. Consumed by thoughts of uncertainty as to what my living situation transition will look like in the next couple months. Consumed with some serious and scary life happenings--the kind that make you want to never again forget to tell someone how much you love and appreciate them.
And when all of this is going on, I forget to be consumed by the most important thing of all--my Lord and Savior. Consumed with His peace, His grace, His love, His mercy.
I go through days sometimes, where I let the busy circumstances get the best of me, and when I stop to catch my breath...I feel lonely. And kind of like, welp, not too sure what step to take next. Do you know the feeling??
And for a brief moment within my own life, I'm paralyzed.
It's been is perplexing for me, because it's seemingly different than anything I've worked through before. When people ask how I'm doing, I say "I'm busy but doing well!" Which I am. But part of me feels conflicted because that's not entirely true. But how do I try and express something that I myself and not even sure of?? And something that feels like I'm just complaining and ungrateful? When it seems I should be completely happy and excited about life right now and where it's going.
I just don't know. But what I need to continually remind myself of, is that I am the furthest thing from alone. I have to stop fighting against this emotion. God (and a whole lot of people I love so much) are there with me in the journey.
I will trust in you. You've never failed me before. I will wait for you. Whichever road to take, peace whenever I need to be still, whatever Your will....help me find it.
My hands are empty, but my heart is full.
♥ C
Sunday, March 31, 2013
i forget...
I need this reminder. Especially right now, when it is so easy for me to let life's challenges pull me under--I need to remember that, in my life, I have been nothing short of inexplicably blessed.
♥ C
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
collaboration.
Love her!...There is so much truth in this. God didn't intend for us to be "ridin' solo"....he created us to be in relationship and fellowship--using our gifts and talents and different life experiences to collaborate and do life together.
♥ c
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
After Steubenville...
This blog post was SO good. And not just for sons or parents of them--it was all around, for anyone, good. Still absorbing it, but I wanted to share...
♥ C
♥ C
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)