I started in a new job about a month and a half ago..one of the things I am most thankful in this latest season of my life (somehow I forgot to mention this in my "thankful" post. Apparently the last couple months with no job has resulted in being out of the swing of employment and therefore out of my realm of "thankful thoughts" :) ). It's here now, however, and I am so so SO grateful for this opportunity I've been presented.
I work for a Christian family. They are a family of four--the two parents, a 13 year old son, and Anna. Anna is 9, and is on the mid/low-functioning end of the autism spectrum, and also has Apraxia. Autism is a very unique disorder. Very hard to explain if you have no exposure or background knowledge of it, but the spectrum is the best word they could have ever put at the end of this diagnosis. No two children present it the same, although there are certain characteristics that are often seen to some extent across the board.
She was diagnosed at the age of 2, and her presentation is such that, she is perpetually in motion (seriously..if I had half of her energy..I could get so much done!); she has high, deep-tissue, sensory needs and is continually seeking it out; and has some of the characteristic autistic feature in regards to social situations (when I first met with the parents they said "many times, if you try to enter her world, she'll leave it." And that was the perfect description). Apraxia is actually a disorder that falls under my realm of study--it's considered a motor-planning speech disorder. She has a good deal of language (word knowledge and language comprehension), and the muscles used in speech (mouth, tongue, jaw, etc.) work fine....the gap is in where the two get put together. Our brains instruct those muscles to coordinate themselves in a way to express the language, and (simply put) when that doesn't work, the sound produced is incomprehensible vocalizations. So in a nutshell--that is Anna :)
As you can imagine, this family has had quite the emotional, mental, and physical roller coaster over the last 7 years. The amount of things that a family with a special needs child has to do just to try and hit a manageable level of living with their child is CRAZY. From countless doctors, to specialist after specialist, to trying to get your child all the services in the best environments with the best professionals, to an ever-growing list of medications and supplements--it never ends. And on top of that, they have another child...a son in junior high who also needs his parents presence in his life.
That is where I came in, and I'm SO glad I did. Not because I have so much to share and bring to their family--but because I've only been there a month and they have already shared and brought so much to me and my life.
More than anything though, they have taught me that joy....it's something you choose. It's not determined by your life circumstances. Because if that were the case, I would be working for a very sleep-, hope-, and joy-deprived family. But they're not (well, the sleep part, yes :) ). They've decided that, even though the simple day-to-day routine can be so challenging, life without this chosen joy is no life at all.
This is just the start, a preface to a story I know I will have so much more to glean from. And I so look forward to sharing more about this little girl with the cheeky grin and her wonderful family whom I now have the privilege of sharing in life with :)
♥ C
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
resilience.
It's been a trying two weeks.
Two deaths in the family and a car accident (not mine)--which left us with the first Thanksgiving in the scope of my memory without my most favorite dog that I'd come to love SO much, without a great-grandpa, and without our best (and zippiest :)) vehicle. All falling into our lap in a matter of about 9 days. I was so glad to be home though, and only but one of these things did I have to find out via a phone call.
I know somewhere down the road we'll be able to look back and say, "You know what, praise God." But WOW that's incredibly hard to do sometimes. When we just look at each other, with bewildered looks on our faces, and take a deep breath, knowing we still have to keep going and keep pushing through. Life is still moving forward rapidly. I think we all feel like deer in the headlights, with life coming right at us with no choice but to face it head on.
But it's amazing what the human heart, mind, and spirit can take..especially when we're surrounded by people we love and who care deeply about us. What an invaluable blessing that we so often take for granted. This past week I was with my family--the people who were facing these same circumstances--and we could share in the pain and the sorrow and the hurt, but also in the joys of all the other things we have to be thankful for. I also spent time with three of my best friends in the entire world, and I forgot how beautifully wonderful that is. They're the people who know me so well and can come along side me when I'm hurting, but also who can simply make me forget, even for just a little bit, everything that's going on and just enjoy life together.
The obligations we had before are still here--jobs, the business, finals, etc.--and they weigh on our hearts, minds, and schedules. But what a hope we have in Christ and a resilience He hard-wired into us. We weren't ever promised it'd be easy, but it will be worth it--each trial and tear; every joy and blessing. And you know what?...Praise Jesus. :)
♥ C
Two deaths in the family and a car accident (not mine)--which left us with the first Thanksgiving in the scope of my memory without my most favorite dog that I'd come to love SO much, without a great-grandpa, and without our best (and zippiest :)) vehicle. All falling into our lap in a matter of about 9 days. I was so glad to be home though, and only but one of these things did I have to find out via a phone call.
I know somewhere down the road we'll be able to look back and say, "You know what, praise God." But WOW that's incredibly hard to do sometimes. When we just look at each other, with bewildered looks on our faces, and take a deep breath, knowing we still have to keep going and keep pushing through. Life is still moving forward rapidly. I think we all feel like deer in the headlights, with life coming right at us with no choice but to face it head on.
But it's amazing what the human heart, mind, and spirit can take..especially when we're surrounded by people we love and who care deeply about us. What an invaluable blessing that we so often take for granted. This past week I was with my family--the people who were facing these same circumstances--and we could share in the pain and the sorrow and the hurt, but also in the joys of all the other things we have to be thankful for. I also spent time with three of my best friends in the entire world, and I forgot how beautifully wonderful that is. They're the people who know me so well and can come along side me when I'm hurting, but also who can simply make me forget, even for just a little bit, everything that's going on and just enjoy life together.
The obligations we had before are still here--jobs, the business, finals, etc.--and they weigh on our hearts, minds, and schedules. But what a hope we have in Christ and a resilience He hard-wired into us. We weren't ever promised it'd be easy, but it will be worth it--each trial and tear; every joy and blessing. And you know what?...Praise Jesus. :)
♥ C
Thursday, November 22, 2012
(still) learning to be thankful.
(Thanksgiving on Friends :) )
That said, I started my list around day 14, and then didn't do a really great job at staying on track, so I figured it'd be best to just bring it all together on Thanksgiving! 22 days of thanks. So refreshing, so humbling. I have so much to be thankful for.
Day 1--I'm thankful for the family that has taken me in for this year while I'm in school! They're the parents of a girl I went to school with at APU, who now lives back in Sacramento with her husband. I knew no one moving down here, and this couple graciously offered me a spot in their home; they're a wonderful couple that remind me of my parents. They've made me feel like a daughter, and their family has included me in everything and have made me feel incredibly welcomed :)
Day 2--I'm thankful for the opportunity to continue on with my education. I was so blessed in my time at Azusa Pacific while I finished up my Bachelor's, and now I have another opportunity in Sacramento to work towards my Master's degree. So immensely grateful for the opportunity to work toward a great career that I will love and a field I can work in for a long time.
Day 3--I'm thankful for my mom. She's seriously one of the best people I've met. EVER. She sums up everything I hope to be as a professional, a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a follower of Christ. I don't think I know anyone else as unconditionally loving and caring as she is. And I don't just say that as her daughter, but objectively. People know this about her whether they've known her for years, or just met her today. It's amazing. And what's more great than having her as a mom, is that now I also get to have her as one of my very best friends...and someone who I can share a closet with :)
Day 4--I'm thankful for my car. I continually take this for granted, but I can't imagine navigating through my day without one or with one that wasn't reliable. Still goin' strong after 7 years! :)
Day 5--I'm thankful to have been able to travel and see some BEAUTIFUL places in the world. Few other things have shaped me and given me such perspective in the way that traveling has. And the more places I go, the longer my list of "places-still-to-be-seen" gets! :) I hope everyone has the opportunity (and takes those opportunities) to travel and add those experiences to their journey.
Day 6--I'm thankful for music. I can't imagine a day without it. Sometimes it conveys emotions I'm struggling to define, or reminds me of someone/a memory I miss, or simply just brings me joy. My taste in music is rather eclectic, my iPod is a bit of a mix of everything...I love it :)
Day 7--I'm thankful for seasons. Living in southern California deprived me of defined seasons for 4 years, and now that I'm north once again in Sacramento...it's actually AUTUMN! Yay! Cool days, crisp nights, clouds, rain, and pumpkin spice lattes...so wonderful. And winter will be here soon, and now I live somewhere again where it gets cold, so it will actually feel like Christmas time! :D
Day 8--I'm thankful for my dad. I seriously can't imagine going through life without him as my father. I've always believed that there's a role that dads play in their daughter's lives that they don't play in their son's lives, and a void that no other man can fill--and he hit the nail it on the head. I've been pushed and challenged by him more than ANY other person (seriously), but he's also the one that has loved or supported me the most. And it hasn't been until I've lived away from home, that I've really realized how important and influential and great it is to have someone like that in my life...and that is something to share, and something to never take for granted.
Day 9--I'm thankful for fuzzy socks. I know that's weird, but I don't care :) My hands and feet are ALWAYS cold, and I love fall/winter because my wearing of cozy socks and slippers is totally justified. My toesies are nice and warm and I am content :)
Day 10--I am thankful for my best friends. I have several friends who, without doubt or hesitation, mean the WORLD to me. We've been friends for years now, gotten to know each other so well, and have reached that beautiful place in friendship and relationship where it's just easy. And not in a lazy, I-don't-want-to-maintain-this, kind of way--but in a we-know-each-other-so-well-and-love-each-other-so-much-that-the-trivial-things-don't-matter-and-we-simply-just-love-sharing-in-life-together kind of way. It's a beautiful thing.
Day 11--I'm thankful for coffee. Caffeinated drops of heaven. It is a CRUCIAL part of my morning (otherwise a headache is for sure on the horizon), and really, I just love it. Rich coffee + some wonderfully flavored creamer (another essential in my life) = one very happy me.
Day 12--I'm thankful for social networking. I realize that this is a characteristic of my generation, and I'm ok with that. While Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest have all been the culprits behind a certain amount of procrastination, they have also allowed me to keep in contact with and informed of the lives of so many people that I otherwise wouldn't be. Whether it's catching up on life events or simply sharing something funny, social networking has allowed us to share life in a way that couldn't even be fathomed only a decade ago.
Day 13--I'm thankful for God's unconditional love and grace. SO. thankful. I'm at a loss for words to even express why. But simply letting it resonate in my soul brings me immense peace and unspeakable joy. That alone speaks to how astounding and beautiful it truly is.
Day 14--I'm thankful for my one of my best friends in the entire world, Britainne. Today is the day 23 years ago that God brought her into the world, and I'm incredibly glad He did! We are pretty much personality opposites, but we have lots of shared interests, and (since 6th grade!) have really just enjoy sharing in life together. She brings zest to my life and I can't imagine it without her.
Day 15--I'm thankful for my dog, Newton. Today he passed away, and is now getting to hang out with God (who is continuing our nightly snack tradition :)) Never have I been so sad but at the same time so grateful to have had the time I did. Part of me feels weird being so sad over a pet, but the other part of me realizes that I've had him for almost all of my remembered life--he was a part of our family and it's ok to be sad. I had wanted a dog for FOREVER, and when I was 9 that wish came true, with a blue bandana tied around his neck. I'm so thankful for the great (and hilarious) memories I'll always have, and for a buddy that will always have a place in my heart. :)
Day 16--I'm thankful for my sister. 20 years ago today my little sister was born, and I've never received a greater gift (I have home videos to prove I was indeed happy ;)) She is truly one of a kind, and also one of the most genuinely passionate and pure of heart people I've ever met. We've had our differences (fortunately, no home videos to prove this one :))--but at the end of the day, we recognize that we have more in common, and that our unique strengths and differences can be used to build each other up rather than tear each other down. She loves the Lord with all her being, and it's a beautiful thing to see. It's been great watching her grow up, and I know I will be incredibly thankful for her forever and always.
Day 17--I'm thankful to live in a free country. This one gets thrown around all year long, but it wasn't until I traveled to other placed in the world that it started to really sink in about how great our country really is. And the freedoms we have here are incredible, and the opportunities we have access to are astonishing. When I was in Egypt a couple years ago, we were talking to a few girls my age, and they told us that they'd love to go to the U.S. to visit, but that they weren't allowed to until they were married. And even after that they still had to go with their husband, if the husband would allow it. I just remember thinking..wow. I'm still so grateful and so happy to live in a place where you know those obstacles aren't in the way of living your life.
Day 19--I'm thankful for my camera. I would be lost and depressed without it. I love having the ability to capture--and print--people and life's moments. I LOVE photography and taking pictures, whether it's with friends and family or of God's crazy beautiful creation. It allows us to remember and hold on to the things that are most dear to us, even after those things themselves are gone from our lives.
Day 20--I'm thankful for a place to call home. I'm a homebody through and through. I've moved 5 times in 2 different cities over the last 5 years...and my parent's house which has been home since I was 11...is still what I consider home. Maybe it's because I've lived so many other places and haven't settled down, but I seriously love this place. No where else do I feel so comfortable and comforted. And no matter where life takes me, here is where I can always come back to.
Day 21--I'm thankful for traditions. I didn't realize how thankful I was for them until I moved away from home and started missing out on some of them. Traditions are great because they are proven "joy-makers." Something doesn't become a tradition unless it's good and it works. And they're something that is unique to each family or group. I so much enjoy hearing people talking about their own traditions, and the anticipation and excitement they bring. I love them! And I'm so looking forward to someday having a family with our own traditions! :)
Day 22--I'm thankful for a day dedicated to being thankful . It's cheesy and cliche, but really...when else do we actually stop and think about what we're thankful for. How often do we pause in the midst of life's chaos to remember everything we have to be thankful for?? If we're honest, most likely not all that often. And if we're really honest, we know that most of the time we actually remind ourselves of the things we're not too fond of. And that's why I love this day...negativity is frowned upon, off-limits, against the rules, etc. :) AND it's the start of the Christmas season, which I also LOVE LOVE LOVE! :D
Happy Thanksgiving!!! Hope it's full of lots of turkey, some pumpkin pie, and of course..an abundance of thanks :)
♥ C
Monday, October 22, 2012
raindrops on roses.
The other day I was listening to Air1, one of the Christian radio stations, and there was a guy who had called in--they had been talking about facing trials and challenges in our lives. The DJ asked the guy what he had been through..a brief once-over of what he's faced in his life. The guy started, "Well, I...." Then he paused, chuckled, and said, "You know what...praise Jesus."
Huh....Wow....Yes. <---my thoughts exactly when I heard it.
Then I processed it. First I was a bit setback by the sudden end to his story. Kind of like when someone builds up something they want to tell you, and then halfway through their telling of it, they realize it has no point. (We all have that friend...and if we admit it, have all been that person. :)) But anyways, I had been so in-tune to what he was going to say; I turned up the radio and tuned-out the rest of the noise around me, just waiting to hear. And in just a few seconds, my anticipation turned into disappointment, and then..MIND BLOWN. The magnitude of the truth that was wrapped up in that very brief utterance was crazy. Maybe it was just me, but I just can't let go of that moment. You know what...praise Jesus.
And it resonated with me so much too, because, this man hadn't called with a profound thought he wanted to share with the world. He called just to share his story, to let others be comforted by the fact that someone else had faced a similar giant in their lives, and that they weren't alone and God was always with them.
And right in the middle of his thought process it hit him, and he laughed.
Like the instant relief on a hot day when you walk into an air-conditioned room....this guy had walked right into the joy of the Lord. And that joy was able to be shared with the thousands of people listening. What a beautiful moment! It wasn't what any of us were expecting to hear, but what I'm sure so many of us needed. I know I did.
My life at this moment has brought about joys and challenges I haven't faced before. I moved to Sacramento just about two months ago, I started school in Sac State's Speech and Language Pathology program, and I'm living with the parents of one of my good friends from APU, who also lives in Sac with her husband.
I am really liking the city of Sacramento..so many opportunities, but still nestled within Northern California (if I had any doubts about which half of California I liked better, Northern is now clearly the winner :)). I've been able to go home twice in the last two months, and I've seen my best friends that I normally don't get to see until Thanksgiving.
The family I'm living with is wonderful as well. They are fellow believers (pastors actually) with passionate hearts, and really are just good people that I enjoy spending time with.
I LOVE my classes. I have awesome professors, I'm learning so much, and I'm now studying and working within the field I will actually have a career in. And that is SUCH a good feeling. I've also made several friends in my program...which if you know me...that's a big deal. Talking to people I don't know, if this is my comfort zone ( ), lies right here * :) But they are great people and great study buddies, so I've been very blessed in that.
All that said...I never realized how challenging it would be moving here. Essentially starting over, but with the other pieces of my life still intact, which are now are being managed from far away. Every really close relationship I have, has now become long-distance. And I NEVER imagined it would be this hard. It wasn't until the first day of classes that I realized this was the first time I had ever started school not knowing anyone. And for someone who prefers to go anywhere new with at least one person I know...talk about scary. But that first week ended positively, and now we're 8 weeks in and my first semester is halfway done (Whoa).
It's really been hard though. I have to be so intentional about keeping in touch with my best friends, as they all are now in a different places all over California, and one all the way in Michigan. I miss having roommates...friends that are always there (whether they wanna be or not ;)). And although I get to go home more often (the short 2 1/2 hour drive is such a breeze! :)), I still feel the pull of wanting to be there all the time to hep my parents out with the business. I still do some work for them, and help them out whenever and however I can; but I talk to them and I hear of the stresses going on, and I just wish there was more I could do. But they continually reassure me that I'm where I need to be, and do their best to share the joys I've found here.
And now, every time I become overwhelmed or bummed out by these things, I try to remember....
You know what, praise Jesus.
Because He's here with me. Because there's a purpose for me here, and I'm in a good place with a good family and good friends. Because in the future, this will be just a short blimp on my life road map. And thanks to the guy on the radio who gently, humorously, and unknowingly, reminded me that wherever I am...it's good. Because God is good, His love never changes, and He never gives up on us.
He hates to see us walk through the storm, but loves to see how we allow the rain to soften the clay of our hearts, so He can reveal His desires for us and mold us into who we were created to be.
We've got to embrace the past, see the good in the present, and look forward to what the future holds. Seeing God's presence in all of it. Because it's there, sometimes we just have to step back, laugh a little, and remind ourselves...
You know what...praise Jesus. :)
♥ C
ps...Autumn is officially here! :D I woke up to the sound of rain this morning, and my heart was filled with oh so much JOY! We have some rosebushes outside, and I was able to take a few pictures of the raindrops on the roses. The perfect visual of transition from summer to fall---from one season to the next. Inexplicably BEAUTIFUL. I think that's kind of how God sees our lives....raindrops on roses. :)
Huh....Wow....Yes. <---my thoughts exactly when I heard it.
Then I processed it. First I was a bit setback by the sudden end to his story. Kind of like when someone builds up something they want to tell you, and then halfway through their telling of it, they realize it has no point. (We all have that friend...and if we admit it, have all been that person. :)) But anyways, I had been so in-tune to what he was going to say; I turned up the radio and tuned-out the rest of the noise around me, just waiting to hear. And in just a few seconds, my anticipation turned into disappointment, and then..MIND BLOWN. The magnitude of the truth that was wrapped up in that very brief utterance was crazy. Maybe it was just me, but I just can't let go of that moment. You know what...praise Jesus.
And it resonated with me so much too, because, this man hadn't called with a profound thought he wanted to share with the world. He called just to share his story, to let others be comforted by the fact that someone else had faced a similar giant in their lives, and that they weren't alone and God was always with them.
And right in the middle of his thought process it hit him, and he laughed.
Like the instant relief on a hot day when you walk into an air-conditioned room....this guy had walked right into the joy of the Lord. And that joy was able to be shared with the thousands of people listening. What a beautiful moment! It wasn't what any of us were expecting to hear, but what I'm sure so many of us needed. I know I did.
My life at this moment has brought about joys and challenges I haven't faced before. I moved to Sacramento just about two months ago, I started school in Sac State's Speech and Language Pathology program, and I'm living with the parents of one of my good friends from APU, who also lives in Sac with her husband.
I am really liking the city of Sacramento..so many opportunities, but still nestled within Northern California (if I had any doubts about which half of California I liked better, Northern is now clearly the winner :)). I've been able to go home twice in the last two months, and I've seen my best friends that I normally don't get to see until Thanksgiving.
The family I'm living with is wonderful as well. They are fellow believers (pastors actually) with passionate hearts, and really are just good people that I enjoy spending time with.
I LOVE my classes. I have awesome professors, I'm learning so much, and I'm now studying and working within the field I will actually have a career in. And that is SUCH a good feeling. I've also made several friends in my program...which if you know me...that's a big deal. Talking to people I don't know, if this is my comfort zone ( ), lies right here * :) But they are great people and great study buddies, so I've been very blessed in that.
All that said...I never realized how challenging it would be moving here. Essentially starting over, but with the other pieces of my life still intact, which are now are being managed from far away. Every really close relationship I have, has now become long-distance. And I NEVER imagined it would be this hard. It wasn't until the first day of classes that I realized this was the first time I had ever started school not knowing anyone. And for someone who prefers to go anywhere new with at least one person I know...talk about scary. But that first week ended positively, and now we're 8 weeks in and my first semester is halfway done (Whoa).
It's really been hard though. I have to be so intentional about keeping in touch with my best friends, as they all are now in a different places all over California, and one all the way in Michigan. I miss having roommates...friends that are always there (whether they wanna be or not ;)). And although I get to go home more often (the short 2 1/2 hour drive is such a breeze! :)), I still feel the pull of wanting to be there all the time to hep my parents out with the business. I still do some work for them, and help them out whenever and however I can; but I talk to them and I hear of the stresses going on, and I just wish there was more I could do. But they continually reassure me that I'm where I need to be, and do their best to share the joys I've found here.
And now, every time I become overwhelmed or bummed out by these things, I try to remember....
You know what, praise Jesus.
Because He's here with me. Because there's a purpose for me here, and I'm in a good place with a good family and good friends. Because in the future, this will be just a short blimp on my life road map. And thanks to the guy on the radio who gently, humorously, and unknowingly, reminded me that wherever I am...it's good. Because God is good, His love never changes, and He never gives up on us.
He hates to see us walk through the storm, but loves to see how we allow the rain to soften the clay of our hearts, so He can reveal His desires for us and mold us into who we were created to be.
We've got to embrace the past, see the good in the present, and look forward to what the future holds. Seeing God's presence in all of it. Because it's there, sometimes we just have to step back, laugh a little, and remind ourselves...
You know what...praise Jesus. :)
♥ C
ps...Autumn is officially here! :D I woke up to the sound of rain this morning, and my heart was filled with oh so much JOY! We have some rosebushes outside, and I was able to take a few pictures of the raindrops on the roses. The perfect visual of transition from summer to fall---from one season to the next. Inexplicably BEAUTIFUL. I think that's kind of how God sees our lives....raindrops on roses. :)
Monday, October 15, 2012
22.
You know what's funny? Ironic, rather? Is how for the first..ehhh...quarter of our lives we're wanting to be older. Or at least looking to life in the future. At some point we've all said, in some combination or other, these questions...plus or minus some...
"I just want to get out of high school"..."I can't wait to be in college!"..."I wonder if I'll be married by the time I'm 25"..."When I'm 30 will I have a family? What will they be like?"..."What will my career look like when I'm 35".....and the list goes on and on.
And it doesn't help that I feel so often we're asked (and are asking others) about future plans. Like in the first week of class, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?" In our world we're continually indoctrinated with the need to have a grand idea and a well-formulated plan for the future. And as much as my Type-A personality loves..LOVES..a good plan....part of me just wants to yell "I DON'T KNOW! And it's ok that I don't!" What about my life in this present moment? How's my family? What am I loving and grateful for RIGHT NOW?? What am I struggling with?
And you know...at one point, I wanted to be 22.
I looked forward to it. I was excited about it. It had a sense of mystery to it.
And here I am. Wondering if I'll look back and say, "Yeah, I remember when I was 22...I think." But really come to find out that I don't really at all because I was just going through each day looking at what was in the day/week/month to follow.
I know I've talked about this before. Living in the present and doing our best to embrace each day. And the more I do, the more I realize I SUCK at it. I don't know how. But I know that if I at least try, I can only get better.
Maybe using my down times throughout the day to think about the different things I have to be thankful for. Maybe the people I have in my life to be grateful for, and deciding that I really need to share with them how they've touched and influenced my life. Encouraging them like they've encouraged me.
Whatever it is. I just need to start. And I don't mean stop looking to the future--I mean managing my time and my mental capacities so I do both well.
Because it was only a second ago, that this present moment was that future. A future I looked forward to. So am I going to miss it now that it's right here?
I believe that God created us with far more than the mental capacity necessary to be successful at this. But being the God he is, and desiring a fulness of life for each of us, He gave us the ability to train, educate, and utilize our minds and lives however we choose. So how we see each moment in the future...and each of those moments as they occur in the present...will be dependent on that.
Can't forget what's influenced, impacted, and shaped me in the past. Can't stop looking forward and planning for the future. But most importantly, can't miss what made today..today. A day I once looked forward to, and a day tomorrow that will be another day in my story.
So...here goes. Ironically this is ending with a plan....but....when in Rome! :)
♥ C
"I just want to get out of high school"..."I can't wait to be in college!"..."I wonder if I'll be married by the time I'm 25"..."When I'm 30 will I have a family? What will they be like?"..."What will my career look like when I'm 35".....and the list goes on and on.
And it doesn't help that I feel so often we're asked (and are asking others) about future plans. Like in the first week of class, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?" In our world we're continually indoctrinated with the need to have a grand idea and a well-formulated plan for the future. And as much as my Type-A personality loves..LOVES..a good plan....part of me just wants to yell "I DON'T KNOW! And it's ok that I don't!" What about my life in this present moment? How's my family? What am I loving and grateful for RIGHT NOW?? What am I struggling with?
And you know...at one point, I wanted to be 22.
I looked forward to it. I was excited about it. It had a sense of mystery to it.
And here I am. Wondering if I'll look back and say, "Yeah, I remember when I was 22...I think." But really come to find out that I don't really at all because I was just going through each day looking at what was in the day/week/month to follow.
I know I've talked about this before. Living in the present and doing our best to embrace each day. And the more I do, the more I realize I SUCK at it. I don't know how. But I know that if I at least try, I can only get better.
Maybe using my down times throughout the day to think about the different things I have to be thankful for. Maybe the people I have in my life to be grateful for, and deciding that I really need to share with them how they've touched and influenced my life. Encouraging them like they've encouraged me.
Whatever it is. I just need to start. And I don't mean stop looking to the future--I mean managing my time and my mental capacities so I do both well.
Because it was only a second ago, that this present moment was that future. A future I looked forward to. So am I going to miss it now that it's right here?
I believe that God created us with far more than the mental capacity necessary to be successful at this. But being the God he is, and desiring a fulness of life for each of us, He gave us the ability to train, educate, and utilize our minds and lives however we choose. So how we see each moment in the future...and each of those moments as they occur in the present...will be dependent on that.
Can't forget what's influenced, impacted, and shaped me in the past. Can't stop looking forward and planning for the future. But most importantly, can't miss what made today..today. A day I once looked forward to, and a day tomorrow that will be another day in my story.
So...here goes. Ironically this is ending with a plan....but....when in Rome! :)
♥ C
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
......
So overwhelmed. Tapped may be a good word for it.
<__________> this many things to do...<___> this much time. When this happens, I tend to lose perspective and need a little something to bring me back to ground level. And today, as simple as it is, this is what I needed
<__________> this many things to do...<___> this much time. When this happens, I tend to lose perspective and need a little something to bring me back to ground level. And today, as simple as it is, this is what I needed
Sunday, March 25, 2012
...processing...
It doesn't take much for me to get overwhelmed. I wish I was wired differently. I wish I could balance a multitude of stressful situations. I wish I could thrive with the pedal to the floorboard, just waiting for the next thing that'll be thrown my way, ready to take it all down.....but that's not me. AT ALL. I prefer to take life a little slower. I need to process things. Everything. I do it too much at times, I'm sure. Especially when the decisions I'm making directly effect other people. And as consistent as my need for coffee in the morning, I always hit a point where thoughts of everything going on hit me at once, and I somewhat check-out mentally and emotionally for the day. Today was that day.
The last couple days I've been wanting to find a passage of scripture to meditate on and really allow for my heart and mind to soak it up. I didn't have the slightest clue what it should be, what could cover every stress, every worry, every emotion I was feeling?? And then I was reminded again, in that still small voice, that those are not the things I should set my gaze and my focus upon. I came across Psalm 139 where at the end David is praying and he says, "Search me oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." That is my prayer right now. I need to start by first giving Him all of me, and then we shall see where He leads.
....♥ C
The areas of life demanding my attention show no signs of slowing down--from the ever-increasing help my parents need with the business, to preparing to start school again in the fall, to figuring out finances, to relationships and everything tied up in them. I'm at a transition point in life. A lot of things have changed and will continue to do so for awhile, All of it's left me feeling uncertain about the decisions I've made/am making, and almost as though I've lost some of the control.
But that's ok. Even just now, as the dust has begun to settle a bit, I'm reminded that God places these circumstances in our lives, not to see how far he can push until we break, but to remind us that when we stop relying on our own ability to make decisions, our own knowledge, and our own feelings, He meets us wherever we're at reveals to us the areas of our lives in which He is working.
One phase is coming to a close, another will soon be beginning, but right now I've gotta work through the middle. God does some of his best work in the middle. We can see how He was working in the past, and trust Him with where we're going in the future. But the part I miss a lot is how He is using right now. How am I seeking Him in my day-to-day walk? Right now, if I was completely honesty, I'm not doing so great with that. It's a continual struggle to relinquish the control I try so hard to maintain when things get overwhelming. But it's a struggle I'm going to fight because I know a life filled by the Holy Spirit is a life with meaning and purpose, a life to look forward to and be excited about.The last couple days I've been wanting to find a passage of scripture to meditate on and really allow for my heart and mind to soak it up. I didn't have the slightest clue what it should be, what could cover every stress, every worry, every emotion I was feeling?? And then I was reminded again, in that still small voice, that those are not the things I should set my gaze and my focus upon. I came across Psalm 139 where at the end David is praying and he says, "Search me oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." That is my prayer right now. I need to start by first giving Him all of me, and then we shall see where He leads.
....♥ C
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
intoxicating
life's intoxicating, isn't it?
those moments we spend fueled by adrenaline and excitement,
and ever-increasing levels of serotonin and dopamine, flooding our minds with a natural high.
our lives are filled with these weeks, days, and moments we wish would last forever....
-a day in the mountains amongst the magnificence of His creation-
-meeting someone new that so effortlessly turns into a great friendship-
-walking on the beach at sunset-
-a spontaneous, deep conversation with someone-
life's intoxicating, isn't it?
♥ C
those moments we spend fueled by adrenaline and excitement,
and ever-increasing levels of serotonin and dopamine, flooding our minds with a natural high.
our lives are filled with these weeks, days, and moments we wish would last forever....
-a day in the mountains amongst the magnificence of His creation-
-meeting someone new that so effortlessly turns into a great friendship-
-walking on the beach at sunset-
-a conversation with an old friend that seamlessly picks up where it left off-
-finishing the last page of a good book-
-family vacations with their frustrations, only to end in laughs, making for one great memory-
-inside jokes that will never cease to amuse us-
-holding hands with someone for the first time-
-love between two people that grows each day regardless of the circumstances-
-laughing so hard you cry, and then laughing more because you're crying-
-the moment of reconciliation between two people-
-knowing someone struggles with the same things you do and you're not alone-
-the joy kids have at disneyland...and knowing exactly how they feel-
-the first drop of a rollercoaster-
-summer nights, windows down, best friends, singing your favorite songs at the top of your lungs-
-a spontaneous, deep conversation with someone-
-holding a newborn baby-
-the joy your dog has when you come home-
-finding out someone's thinking about/praying for you-
-discovering a shared interested with someone-
-discovering a shared interested with someone-
-a time of worship that completely takes you away from life's current circumstances-
.....i could go on, but i'm sure you've pretty much caught my drift. all that said,
i believe God has called us to live passionately....
...fervently....
....with zest...
...and with a continually increasing gratitude for His love, His mercies, and His grace.
even in the midst of certain chaos...
never forgetting about the things that fill us with hope, joy, and peace that surpasses all understanding.
life's intoxicating, isn't it?
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