22.

You know what's funny? Ironic, rather? Is how for the first..ehhh...quarter of our lives we're wanting to be older.  Or at least looking to life in the future.  At some point we've all said, in some combination or other, these questions...plus or minus some...

"I just want to get out of high school"..."I can't wait to be in college!"..."I wonder if I'll be married by the time I'm 25"..."When I'm 30 will I have a family? What will they be like?"..."What will my career look like when I'm 35".....and the list goes on and on. 

And it doesn't help that I feel so often we're asked (and are asking others) about future plans. Like in the first week of class, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?" In our world we're continually indoctrinated with the need to have a grand idea and a well-formulated plan for the future. And as much as my Type-A personality loves..LOVES..a good plan....part of me just wants to yell "I DON'T KNOW! And it's ok that I don't!"  What about my life in this present moment? How's my family? What am I loving and grateful for RIGHT NOW??  What am I struggling with?

And you know...at one point, I wanted to be 22.

I looked forward to it. I was excited about it. It had a sense of mystery to it.

And here I am. Wondering if I'll look back and say, "Yeah, I remember when I was 22...I think." But really come to find out that I don't really at all because I was just going through each day looking at what was in the day/week/month to follow.

I know I've talked about this before. Living in the present and doing our best to embrace each day. And the more I do, the more I realize I SUCK at it.  I don't know how. But I know that if I at least try, I can only get better.

Maybe using my down times throughout the day to think about the different things I have to be thankful for.  Maybe the people I have in my life to be grateful for, and deciding that I really need to share with them how they've touched and influenced my life.  Encouraging them like they've encouraged me. 

Whatever it is. I just need to start. And I don't mean stop looking to the future--I mean managing my time and my mental capacities so I do both well. 

Because it was only a second ago, that this present moment was that future.  A future I looked forward to.  So am I going to miss it now that it's right here?

I believe that God created us with far more than the mental capacity necessary to be successful at this.  But being the God he is, and desiring a fulness of life for each of us, He gave us the ability to train, educate, and utilize our minds and lives however we choose. So how we see each moment in the future...and each of those moments as they occur in the present...will be dependent on that.

Can't forget what's influenced, impacted, and shaped me in the past.  Can't stop looking forward and planning for the future.  But most importantly, can't miss what made today..today. A day I once looked forward to, and a day tomorrow that will be another day in my story.

So...here goes. Ironically this is ending with a plan....but....when in Rome! :)

♥ C