Culturally, I found myself engulfed in a way of life so far different than my own. Different sites, different food, different people, different language, different religion...just different. Never have I ever felt so alienated from the reality around me, which made it that much harder to adjust and adapt to the new way of life we would be living in for the next 2 1/2 weeks. One of the hardest things for me, which seems like such a small inconvenience but I actually really struggled with it, was constantly being stared at. We are definitely not what they're used to seeing everyday outside of the touristy areas; and being American Christians in an Arabic Muslim country, we apparently were quite the spectacle. Haha. But that said, all this also made us so much more grateful for the warm welcome and loving hospitality we received from our new family in Tema and all the church families we went and visited. Needless to say, we each worked through the issue of adapting and adjusting to the new culture both individually and as a team, and we all felt so blessed and were so elated that we were able to experience even a small dose of life within this culture.
Emotionally, it was a roller coaster. Looking back I seem to have felt every emotion on some level or another, sometimes all within the course of a day. We could go from eating lunch with Pastor Gamal and Mony and just enjoying the wonderful fellowship we were able to have, to sitting in a church service with women wailing and praying so desperately behind us, realizing that I don't even have the slightest idea of what true desperation and passion for God is. But I was so grateful for my team and the people that they are, as we were able to come together each night and discuss the day we had just experienced. From the funny moments, to the things we were wrestling and struggling with, to the new ways we were experiencing God. And then we would pray, lifting up each other and lifting up the people we were in community with, praying for the words God would have us share in our testimonies, open hearts and minds to hear and see what He has for us there, and the energy we needed to give our very best.
Spiritually is where I've struggled the most, but where I've also seen the most growth. It was a new journey that started in Egypt, but continues to challenge me each day. I'm still in that place of sorting everything out, trying to apply what I saw and what I learned to my everyday life here. We knew it would be a challenge, but I honestly didn't think it would be quite this hard. And the hardest part (which I was not anticipating)....was being back at church here. Last Sunday was our first Sunday back, and Hannah and I were so excited to be back at church where we could understand what was being preached and sing along in worship. But after church we were talking, both of us realizing that this was going to be significantly harder than we thought. As I sat amongst the seemingly lack of desperation for God, I found myself so desperate for Him. It was the hardest church service I've ever sat through. Not because of anything the pastor said, but because of the struggle within myself after experiencing what we did in Egypt. All I could do was pray. God I need you. I didn't think it was going to be this hard. I had just come back from a place where people went to church everyday, not because they had to, but because there was nothing else in their lives that was distracting that from the fulfillment and life and hope that God brings. They understand what it means to completely trust in God for life's basic needs. They understand that without God they really have nothing. They aren't wrapped up and consumed by the multitude of things that often entrap our hearts and minds. They understand that you're either alive in Christ or dead to the world. They get it. And I have yet to even wrap my mind around the fact that they do. It was beyond amazing to see. To see them there, knowing that they have so much work they could be doing, not to earn lots of money so they can buy a nice car and a better home, but work they need to do just to feed their families. But they come to worship and to pray, to thank the God who gave them their hands to work, who gave them the resources they need, as small as it may be...and they're thankful and they give all the glory to God. But where are those people here?? If I'm honest with myself, I know that is not the testimony of my life.
And that is what I've had the hardest time with. I realize that life isn't the same here as it is in Upper Egypt. But the God we worship is the same. How can I take all that I experienced and learned there, and apply it to my life here today. I know that I have so much opportunity for growth, which I think is the best place to start. God gave me that experience and I was so blessed to be a part of it. He was so alive and present there, but He is still so alive and present here. And when I am faithful to Him he is faithful to me, and he will guide me and teach me. I won't always get it, it won't be super comfortable as change generally isn't, and I know I will stumble. But when I put my faith and trust in God, I can never fail.
....♥ C
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